I mean this isn't my best description for myself, but this is how I have felt lately. Not every day...but enough to notice it and well, now write about it!
I have recently left my job of 24 years. I have worked in education for over 30 and at stayed at my last job for the last 24 years of that time. Not to go into the whole story behind this leaving...but suffice it to say I did not plan to leave my job at this time. Nor did I plan to be having this much free time. And I certainly did not plan to have bouts of feeling pissed off occasionally. I mean really pissed off.
I expect that when you leave something you have done every day for so long you will have a sense of 'now what?' after leaving your daily routine behind. And it is absolutely true for me. I now realize I need structure. I need to know when breaks are to be taken or reports and phone calls are to be made. I mean I have always known this about myself, but here I am faced with this knowledge in a way that feels like I am licking the frosting off of my face and saying "No, I didn't eat the last piece of cake."
Ok... now what? I can't keep blaming my feeling of woe on others. It happened. I was mis-treated.
I made a decision to leave...to take care of myself. And now...and now it is time to figure out what to do with all my 'free' time. So I made a list.
Free Time List:
Get up early
Exercise every day
Take photography classes
Complete household projects
Read more books
Give up coffee
Give up sleep aides
Write another book
Increase speaking gigs
Sell goods at a farmer's market
Write more in general
Take a healthy eating cooking class
Actual Free Time List:
Get up before 9:30
Walk the dog when the weather is above 40
Thinking about about stupid stuff a little less often
Bought a yoga mat and HAVE taken three classes
Bought what I thought were healthy 'bites'; turned out to be smaller cookies with oatmeal in them
Need to get camera out of closet...but I do think about it quite a bit
Made a list with husband...feeling progress there
Have, indeed, read three books in last month
Drinking coffee as I write this
Need to refill prescription
Actually have an outline in progress for new book
Praying, trying and actually reaching out to others about me speaking
Have application saved in 'Bookmarks' on laptop
Thus this entry today
Reviewed 'Recipes' on my Pinterest Board
We all spin. We all have good intentions. And we all need to feel productive. Feel relevant.
Today I committed to seeing my strengths, my abilities and not confuse my feeling like I am spinning with I have nothing more to offer...because I do.